What not to say to Vegetarians: Episode One

I am a vegetarian. There, I said it, now when I tell you this fact, here are a few things not to say to me.

(1) Don't you care that you are killing carrots and celery?

This comment was funny, the first 100 times I heard it. In the subsequent 5000+ times, it has become less so. Yes, all eating involves some killing and there are people who only eat food that has died naturally. A person can be vegetarian for many reasons, and a problem with killing animals may not be one of them (believe it or not, I support the seal hunt and support small farmers who ethically and organically raise meat, even if I don't eat either). You don't want us to judge you for eating meat, don't try and make us feel guilty because you haven't taken the time to understand us.

(2) Vegetarians are so annoying they expect so much accommodation. I hate having to make a second dish/they are a pain at work functions/insert other big generalizing statement about how annoying we are.

I think if this is how you feel you won't be dealing with vegetarian friends for long. Listen, if you have a friend who pregnant, do you get mad at her for not wanting to drink your wine? What about a Muslim friend? Buying a few veggie burgers and ordering a potato salad without bacon for the company picnic won't kill you. If you are having a vegetarian friend over for dinner, consider saying this "Hey, I am not good at vegetarian cooking, instead of wine can you bring a vegetarian dish for everyone to try?" If they get mad at you, then they are probably a jerk independent of their vegetarianism. A little understanding goes a long way, try something new and you might find food you like too.

(3) Oh my God! You are totally going to die from not getting enough protein/B12/iron/Omega -3 fatty acids, etc.

This is probably the one I get the most, and my response is now science. I like to respond by saying "I need 59 grams of protein a day and usually get that by lunch, how many grams do you need a day?" Yes, that is right some of us vegetarians do our homework, we know where to get our nutrients and maximise their absorption. And even if we didn't, it is none of your damn business. If I said, "Oh my God, you are a meat eater, do you get enough folic acid or fibre? And you are going to kill yourself with the saturated fat in that steak," I would kind of come across as a jerk. This is exacerbated by the fact that I am a woman of childbearing age. If a woman wants to be vegetarian or vegan while pregnant it is her choice. Support her and deal with it. Ask respectful questions if you are interested (I love talking about nutrition) but please don't tell her she is going to miscarry because of her diet, I don't need to tell you how much of a douche you would feel like if she becomes one of the thousands of women who miscarry every year regardless of their diet. Many people other than vegetarians make healthy and unhealthy eating choices every day, try to treat us like regular people.

Last one for today

(4) You are not a real vegetarian.

I get this from both omnivores and vegetarians. I drink milk, I eat eggs and in two very specific circumstances I will eat meat. Those circumstances include if I was a moron and didn't tell the people cooking I was a vegetarian and I am about to faint and there is nothing else around or in culturally necessary situations. When I visit religious groups for my research, I eat what they serve me, period. I can't imagine going to a reserve and telling the elder I can't eat the deer he is so proud his son caught. But, this is a personal choice and I shouldn't be judged for it. Maybe you would prefer if I applied the label flexitarian? I don't mind, but when I tell people that they use it as an excuse to serve me meat and discredit me. If you are so anxious to see me discredited as a vegetarian, I would check your own motivations first. What are you so insecure about that you need to criticize me and other people like me? No I am not a vegan, and given the choice I would prefer to never have to eat meat again, but if I change my mind on that, either by becoming vegan or a meat eater, it is my right and I deserve the same respect everyone else does.

This was therapeutic, I plan to write more of these and I plan to be just as hard on vegetarian jerks as I am on other jerks.