Handy little tip - objects in text

Is your thesis one with a lot of diagrams, illustrations and tables like mine?

Unless you are a formatting whiz, a lot of people have trouble making sure that their text looks right after they insert a photo, diagram or table. Instead of inserting the object at the beginning, keep it out until your last round of proofreading, if you are editing on paper, just put a sticky note where you want the corresponding object and keep track of the numbers. That way if you switch the position of two objects, their numbers will match up in your list of diagrams.

Another alternative is to take a brief online Microsoft word tutorial on setting up indexes if you don't want to edit on paper, you can train your computer to update your table of contents for you, but don't rely on it, always have your final editor check to make sure all objects match the table of contents, are properly labelled and in order.

Women of childbearing age say the darndest things.

I don’t have kids yet, in fact I don’t know if I ever will. However, being a young married woman under 30, people do like to ask when I will have kids. They never ask “if” I will only, “when”. Regardless of my answer, these same people like to take what they feel is a weird quirk about my life and ask if I will force my children to adhere to said quirk. Let’s take one older woman Kassie who cornered me at a family event a few weeks ago.

“Hey Shelly” she said “You are one of those feminists, are you going to raise your kids gay?”

I wasn’t sure of the connection, I guess most feminists do support gay marriage, but having had millions of similar conversations I responded:

“No, I plan to make them miserable.”

Not my best response, but it ended the conversation. However, Kassie is both persistent and unimaginative, just two days ago she asked me:

“Hey Shelly” she said “You are one of those vegetarians, are you going to raise your kids vegetarian?”

“No, I plan to MAKE them vegetarian by giving them a pet turkey as a Christmas present then pretending to be too broke to buy food at Thanksgiving.”

You may think this is a bit harsh, but if you have a womb, you understand how the entire world feels as though they have a uterine time share in your pelvis, with your in-laws and your own parents going splitsies on the ovaries, your friends discussing your cervix, the media putting up advertisements on your uterine wall and complete strangers taking a slide down your fallopian tubes. It isn’t just women, men do it too.

“Shelly,” Hank from the art gallery where I volunteer asked me just last week “what are you going to do if your kids want to join the conservative party.”

While the reality is that I would be very happy to have politically engaged kids, Hank needed to be put in his place.

“Hank” I responded “I would buy them Karl Marx bed sheets and sneak into church and put Tommy Douglas’s face in place of every Jesus I found."

My favourite question came from a co-worker (and I won’t say when or at which job).

“Shelly,” he said asked with a voice of concern, “If you wait any longer will you even be able to have kids, won’t your uterus just dry up?”

Now I want it clear, I have never before asked a man about what he intended to do with his sperm, or if his testicles were slowly shrivelling from lack of use, but in this case, I made an exception.

Oddly enough, no one has ever asked if I will raise my kids to be sarcastic.

Thesis Tip: Style Sheets.

How come no one ever taught us about these in our Masters? A style sheet is a neat little tool for when you are writing, and I think it would come in very handy while writing a thesis. A style sheet is a chart that keeps track of the following:

Odd Spellings
For example scientific words, philosophical made up terms (I'm looking at you Derrida, ontopology? Serious?) and individual quirks, like the fact I use artefact (British) instead of artifact (American).

Words with variations
Would you say he dived into the pool, or he dove in the pool, now you can be consistent

Names of people and places
It would be great if every scholar in the world had the name Wu or Smith, but they don't, this way I can look up Csikszentmihalyi once, and be able to spell it every time. (I actually had a prof notice once that I had spelled this name wrong in my bibliography, you never know)

Abbreviations, numbers and dates
Do you do it military style (11 Nov 45) or longhand (November eleventh, nineteen hundred and forty-five)? Also important, decide your number rules, I generally like to write out every number under 100.

Trademarked names
Even in my research I come across brand names like Kleenex and iPod. I have to keep track of them somehow.

Specific Instructions
Keep any little quirks your committee has told you to do here, you may have a reader who hates the word "that" put it in the style sheet and you will be aware of it.

Title, Table, Diagram, Figure and section formats

Decide what to bold, itaclizes, underline and make notes of it. Also if you are using capital letters, a numerical system or roman numerals to organise your things. Make notes of the formats for captions on any figures or tables

If you have a friend editing your paper or dissertation for you, a style sheet is a dream come true, organise all your rules alphabetically and your readers will have time to focus on your ideas rather than your inconsistencies. It also helps to tell them which style guide you are using unless you have a field standard like Associated Press or Chicago Manual of Style.

Things not to say to vegetarians: Episode Two

Here we go again, a lot of these you just shouldn't say because they are so darn un-original

(1) I could never give up meat.

Then don't. I really don't care how you eat, I care how I and my family eat.

(2) Mmmmmmmm, this steak is so delicious, too bad you can't have any.

I am sure it is tasty, I am glad you enjoy it, and no I actually don't want any, by the way your jackassness is showing.

(3) Ew, I can't believe you are eating that!

Feel free to be curious about what I eat, but don't make gagging noises about tofu/tempeh/TVP. Remember what is visually appealing in food is cultivated culturally. A shrimp that looks delicious to you looks disgusting to my friend from the Ivory Coast. I don't look at your ground beef and gag (and a vegetarian who does is being a dork). A lot of non-vegetarians eat meat substitutes because they are lower in fat and frankly taste pretty darn good.

(4) You are wearing a leather belt and shoes, you are such a hypocrite.

Really? They might be pleather, because that stuff looks pretty authentic. Or they might be from before when I was a vegetarian and I haven't had the money to replace them. Or maybe I have three pins holding my foot together and can't find vegan shoes yet that don't leave me screaming in pain (true btw). Pointing out an inconsistency in my philosophy neither completely negates it, nor does it completely support yours. Get to know me a little, ask a respectful question and I might tell you more about my philosophy and personal history, but don't be offended when I don't feel the need to justify my life choices to you.

(5) What will you do if your kids/spouse want to eat meat?

Well, it isn't really any of your business, every family will have to work out the relationship between vegetarians and non vegetarians on their own.

(6) Oh, well this restaurant has salad, we can eat there.

This has been my growing pet peeve. It came to a head when we went to a very nice restaurant and the waitress made me feel like scum for not calling three days ahead to give them warning a vegetarian was coming. She said it was common practise (it isn't) and I should not expect them to just be able to accommodate me, and "I guess I could have the chef make some vegetables and rice." The only thing that kept me from leaving was that we had a gift certificate there. I hadn't had any protein that day so I had to beg, literally ask her three times to ask the chef if he could add some lentils to the vegetables and rice (btw, lentils were all over the menu, they just always had meat with them, so it wasn't like I was asking the chef to go to the store just for me). It was a miserable experience, mostly due to the attitude of the waitress that I was some sort of burden. Sorry, you are a service industry, serve me.

Vegetarians need to be understanding, flexible and accommodating, but people need to realise, most of us really like good food. Many of us cook and take a lot of time making appealing meals. So veggie burgers, rice and vegetables, while acceptable occasionally, get really, really boring after a while, same with always eating salad. There are thousands of recipes out there for vegetarian food. If you aren't comfortable cooking them, see the previous post, ask your vegetarian friend, or better yet ask get a cookbook and learn yourself. Many meat recipes can be made vegetarian friendly just by putting a small pot of the food aside and not adding the meat ingredients. If you are doing a meat and potato dinner, many supermarkets will have a little vegetarian casserole you can just throw in the oven, if you are unsure ask me, I will probably offer to bring something. If you are going to meet up as a group, we really appreciate if our input is heard when choosing a restaurant because it really stinks to gnaw on salad while everyone else has a giant dinner. It is our choice and we will deal with it, but it isn't that hard to go to an accommodating restaurant. And we really, really are grateful when we are not considered a burden.

That was the last one for now, but I thought I should end on a positive note because there are things OK to ask and say.

Do you miss steak/chicken wings/ bacon etc.?

When asked respectfully I have no problem with this question at all, because I do miss meat pies and honey garlic wings. There just aren't that many good vegetarian substitutes for those. However, ethically, my vegetarianism demands a few sacrifices and how healthy and good I feel make up for missing those things.

How do you get your nutrients?

Again, tone is everything. I have no problem with honest curiosity, and framing it like this leaves space to talk about nutrition in general. Just be prepared for the conversation to be reciprocal.

Is it hard to be a vegetarian?

Thank you for asking. I like this questions because it comes from a place of curiosity, not judgement. Not really, you deal with the occasional jerk, and it can be annoying when the vegetarian option is always a veggie burger or vegetables and rice at restaurants, but generally the benefits outweigh the sacrifices.

Really, tone and respect make almost any question acceptable. Just remember the golden rule and Bon Apetit!

What not to say to Vegetarians: Episode One

I am a vegetarian. There, I said it, now when I tell you this fact, here are a few things not to say to me.

(1) Don't you care that you are killing carrots and celery?

This comment was funny, the first 100 times I heard it. In the subsequent 5000+ times, it has become less so. Yes, all eating involves some killing and there are people who only eat food that has died naturally. A person can be vegetarian for many reasons, and a problem with killing animals may not be one of them (believe it or not, I support the seal hunt and support small farmers who ethically and organically raise meat, even if I don't eat either). You don't want us to judge you for eating meat, don't try and make us feel guilty because you haven't taken the time to understand us.

(2) Vegetarians are so annoying they expect so much accommodation. I hate having to make a second dish/they are a pain at work functions/insert other big generalizing statement about how annoying we are.

I think if this is how you feel you won't be dealing with vegetarian friends for long. Listen, if you have a friend who pregnant, do you get mad at her for not wanting to drink your wine? What about a Muslim friend? Buying a few veggie burgers and ordering a potato salad without bacon for the company picnic won't kill you. If you are having a vegetarian friend over for dinner, consider saying this "Hey, I am not good at vegetarian cooking, instead of wine can you bring a vegetarian dish for everyone to try?" If they get mad at you, then they are probably a jerk independent of their vegetarianism. A little understanding goes a long way, try something new and you might find food you like too.

(3) Oh my God! You are totally going to die from not getting enough protein/B12/iron/Omega -3 fatty acids, etc.

This is probably the one I get the most, and my response is now science. I like to respond by saying "I need 59 grams of protein a day and usually get that by lunch, how many grams do you need a day?" Yes, that is right some of us vegetarians do our homework, we know where to get our nutrients and maximise their absorption. And even if we didn't, it is none of your damn business. If I said, "Oh my God, you are a meat eater, do you get enough folic acid or fibre? And you are going to kill yourself with the saturated fat in that steak," I would kind of come across as a jerk. This is exacerbated by the fact that I am a woman of childbearing age. If a woman wants to be vegetarian or vegan while pregnant it is her choice. Support her and deal with it. Ask respectful questions if you are interested (I love talking about nutrition) but please don't tell her she is going to miscarry because of her diet, I don't need to tell you how much of a douche you would feel like if she becomes one of the thousands of women who miscarry every year regardless of their diet. Many people other than vegetarians make healthy and unhealthy eating choices every day, try to treat us like regular people.

Last one for today

(4) You are not a real vegetarian.

I get this from both omnivores and vegetarians. I drink milk, I eat eggs and in two very specific circumstances I will eat meat. Those circumstances include if I was a moron and didn't tell the people cooking I was a vegetarian and I am about to faint and there is nothing else around or in culturally necessary situations. When I visit religious groups for my research, I eat what they serve me, period. I can't imagine going to a reserve and telling the elder I can't eat the deer he is so proud his son caught. But, this is a personal choice and I shouldn't be judged for it. Maybe you would prefer if I applied the label flexitarian? I don't mind, but when I tell people that they use it as an excuse to serve me meat and discredit me. If you are so anxious to see me discredited as a vegetarian, I would check your own motivations first. What are you so insecure about that you need to criticize me and other people like me? No I am not a vegan, and given the choice I would prefer to never have to eat meat again, but if I change my mind on that, either by becoming vegan or a meat eater, it is my right and I deserve the same respect everyone else does.

This was therapeutic, I plan to write more of these and I plan to be just as hard on vegetarian jerks as I am on other jerks.

Sigh

I read a paper today (the tile of which shall remain a secret) that claimed to be about defining the sacred but in reality was about nationalism, patriotism and hot dogs (I guess that makes it American?). I am not sure about that last one though, I really did stop paying attention.

I wonder if peer reviewers don't read titles?

Anyway, to Mr./ Ms./Dr. Tangent, I want my hour back, I stuck it out hoping you would make your point but this paper had fewer points than a sphere. You can make it up to me by doing an hour of transcribing.

Academic words

Every academic has their favourite words. I am not talking about big words (deoxyribonucleic acid) or made up words (ontopological). I am talking about small words we use while writing to make a point.

I was editing a friend's paper today, which she was going to read out loud for a conference, and there tucked in with her analysis was the word 'whilst." I asked her "Do you ever actually say 'whilst.' She answered that she doesn't, but it is just one of those academics words she can't give up.

My word is hence, I love the word hence, it is the ultimate declarative. It feels like no matter what is written after the word hence, you will not be able to argue with it. "Hence, we now understand that chocolate chip cookies deserve their own food group." Hence, star trek was and still is the best televisions series ever to be aired."

My husband likes 'indeed." I believe there is a place for the word indeed, but really, it is just a weaker hence.

Some academics like to use latin words. For example, I love the terms a priori and post hoc. Any stats term that can be applied to real life is fine by me. Some people like to use ad nauseum or ad infinitum. I prefer ad nauseum because there are many academics things that make you feel sick if you think about them too much. Ad infinitum however, is just inaccurate, we are academics, we never study the infinite (too hard to define, no good parameters), if anything our narrow research foci have caused us to need words describing levels of finitude. And of course etc., the layman's latin, is not good writing form, which actually kind of sucks. If I were allowed to use etc. I think my thesis would be about 5 words long (including the latin).

Therefore, whence, heretofore, etc. (See it is so useful), there are so many little words we academics love. Journalists have their own style of writing, fiction writers, speechwriters, it is only fair that we academics have a few words we can claim as truly ours.

How to be a movie star academic.

For some time now I have wanted to write about this, so forgive me if this is a long post because this topic has been brewing for some time.

On a meta-level, I find the research I do fascinating, the confluence of a variety of facts and theories coming together to influence one institution or event which then goes on to have ripple effects through society is a fascinating thing. However, on a micro-level, research is sightly more boring than watching grass grow and slightly less boring than watching paint dry (Having done both as a means of procrastination).

But we knew this, I learned it in my masters, so what is getting my goat? Movies. I recently watched Frost/Nixon, great movie, except they make highlighting and reading late at night under a lamp look so thrilling you think, "Why aren't people lined up to read hours of transcribed interviews, and input data into a computer?" In the Da Vinci Code, Indiana Jones and Atlantis, Professors go on adventures and solve mysteries with only their wits, a whip, a smart car or a sexy girl from a dead civilization. Kinsie gets laid for his research, and his RA's do too, why does my academic world look so different from theirs?

Well, I am creating a list of ways to make my research seem more like the movies, here are a few rules I have picked up on.

(1) Get a Hat, not a cool one, but a hat that makes you look like you are ready for any adventure that should arise (Tilley hats, explorer hats and straw hats are acceptable, ball caps are not, they display laziness, not a sense of adventure), professors with hats lead exciting lives, period.

(2) Get cool theme music, one that suggests a balance of determination, dedication and inspiration is your best bet. Playing the intro to Baba O'Riley on a loop is probably a good choice, don't go to the actual song until you are highlighting, writing notes or typing, that is the good stuff, the intro is for reading and intense scrutinizing looks that build up to the exciting parts of research.

(3) Stock up on Antiquated knowledge, sure most students of religion study actual people and traditions, but it helps to have the entire canon of extra scriptural literature memorized, the personal likes and dislikes of every religious figure ever born or imagined, and a thorough knowledge of conspiracy theories and every not-so-secret secret group ever invented. Should an adventure arise, this knowledge will be used to save the day, or out wit the bad guys.

(4) If you are a male and you want to be a movie star professor, you must not dress nicely. Invest all your money in tweed and rumpled khaki pants, plaid shirts, and possibly bow ties. Also try not to be gay or a member of a visible minority, if you are gay you will likely wind up having an affair with one of your students, if you are Black, Hispanic, Asian or Indian, you are only really there for comedic relief.

(5) If you are a woman, well you have it a little harder, women in movies tend to be sexy scientists, Jody foster in contact, Julia Roberts in Mona Lisa Smile or Vittoria Vettra in Angels and Demons. It appears you also have to be white as a female, unless of course you study African (hispanic) Literature, then you can be black (Latino). Thick glasses and Knee length skirts are a must. And you should have brown hair, not blonde, it adds to your credibility, especially if you can hold it up with a pencil. Having strange beliefs in crazy thing like "Aliens" or "Feminism" are critical to being a female movie professor. Note, feminist professors are expected to be lesbians, please do not attempt to be a women's studies professor in a movie unless you are a lesbian or a single hippie woman.

(6) Finally, have a skeleton in your closet, if you don't, skeletons are available online, closets can be purchased at Ikea. Movie professors always have a secret past that makes them the way they are. They were abused or bullied and therefore became academic recluses burying themselves in Teutonic literature so they wouldn't have to face their demons. If you weren't bullied, you can have slightly creepy relationship with a mentor who saw your potential when you didn't and steered you toward your current path, you rebel by using lawson and McCauley's definition of religion instead of Eliade's. A quest is also acceptable, cure the disease that killed your mother, solve the mystery your father couldn't or prove God does/does not exist because your father was a priest/atheist.

Hopefully this information will guide you in your attempts to make your life in research a little more like the movies, oh and other than highlighting documents to inspiring music, and giving the occasional (but always interrupted) lecture to students who seem to actually pay attention (if you can find these magical undergrads), don't ever be seen actually doing research, applying for grant applications, filling out departmental forms, counseling students, writing books, talking with publishers, editing journals, organizing conferences, attending departmental meetings, supervising RA's and TA's, reviewing books, providing advise to lawmakers and politicians, running subcommittees or any of the other things that professors actually do, those are just too boring for the movies.

Stuff White People Like?

My Husband and I celebrated our one year anniversary this weekend by taking a trip to Jordan and buying massive amounts of wine, eating tasty food that had to be bad for us and swimming the B&B's pool.

The trip was great aside from a few class and racial observations that made me very uncomfortable (I was in a winery and overheard a worker complaining about having to serve japanese people because she can't understand their accents and they only ever buy icewine, which, FYI is the most expensive thing at almost every winery). Anyway, we can talk about that later.

The subject of this blog is school, and despite having a whole good week of busting my tush, I felt guilt the entire weekend for not doing work. Had I been at home, I probably wouldn't have done work, but at least the intent would have been there. I went away this weekend with absolutely no intent to do anything school related.

In one way this is good, I know I am getting into full thesis mode and getting over some of my previous apathy because I am feeling guilt again. However, I do know the effect this is going to have on my already minimal social life.

So August 2010 is my due date (for my thesis, not a baby) and between now and then you will experience one of two Shelly's. Non-existent Shelly who is on facebook and occasionally answers an e-mail, or guilty Shelly, who you will see, but will probably either be so guilt ridden she wrecks your party, or imbibing because she is trying to forget the guilt. If we do hang out at all, just let me know which Shelly you prefer and I will bring that one along. Provided you pay for the beer, I am a grad student after all.

BC in a box

Well, it's been a while since I have been home, and of course I have been even busier than when I am on the road. Also I needed a little time to think. You see British Columbia is a weird place, I am not sure I have used that term to describe any other province, I am going to use it now. In fact, I think BC might even in need of a little clinical help, and that there are really two BC's in Canada.

The first BC is the one we all know and love, it centres out of Vancouver but can encompass the wine regions and whistler (well kind of), it is the fun loving, outdoorsy, laid back, multicultural be cool with it BC. We will refer to it vaguely as "the south"

The second BC still loves the outdoors, but in a more "hunting/live on a farm" type of way than the" lets use a giant multi-national corporations ski resort with questionable labor and environmental practices, critique the logging industry and pretend I am environmentalist" sort of way. They are more religious, are a lot more like Alberta and talk more about things like taxes, these people we can colloquially (though partially inaccurately) refer to as "the north"

It is interesting because Hippy BC, doesn't like to talk about conservative BC, and vice versa, the two are aware of each other, but don't really like to communicate that much except for in the fight over BC's natural resources. INterestingly, BC seems to suffer from some of the symptoms of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID, former Multiple personalities), these include can include:

• Multiple mannerisms and beliefs that are not similar to each other, evidence, fashion in the North Vs. fashion in the south
• Depersonalization, or feeling like you are watching someone else act out your life, kind of like what the people in north feel when they see Vancouver on TV
• Amnesia, ask people who they felt about the NDP back in the day
• Depression, things suck here (always followed by, but at least it isn't Toronto)
• Unexplainable phobias, people in the north are afraid of Gays, Asians and Aboriginals, people in the south are afraid of people from the north

Well perhaps it is only a minor case, but maybe BC would stop feeling inadequate compared to Ontario (well Toronto really), with a little psychotherapy. We can create a third personality that takes the best of the other personalities. From the North we would take the friendliness, hospitality and work ethic, from the south we can take tolerance and relaxation. Eventually this new personality can dominate the other two, or at least teach them to talk to each other respectfully. If this doesn't work, an alternative treatment is medicating, something at least one of BC's personalities is very good at.

Reflections on Art

I was in the Vancouver art Gallery this afternoon, and I had what is perhaps a nerdy but very intense experience. While looking at the painting "the letter" by Vermeer, more commonly known as the love letter, I was struck by feeling as though I was actually inside the painting, I could almost feel my hand on the heavy velvet curtain while I played the unseen role of the voyeur.

Ever since reading the book pictures and tears, a book about people who cry in front of art I have tried to be more open tot he visceral reactions that art (in so many forms) inspires in me. My years in a psychology degree kind of wrecked art for me because I was convinced there was no way to quantify what I was feeling. However, some recent research has shown that we do have physiological reactions to art, along with our emotional and philosophical responses.

Which explains why when I was looking at some of Emily Carr's paintings in the same gallery I was overcome with a sense of claustrophobia. Not the same claustrophobia I get when in crowds, but a comforting feeling of enclosement and protection, I have always felt very safe in forests.

I love being an academic and I have sometimes toyed with the idea of studying more about art history and interpretation, but I think I will hold off on that. For the time being, I want to enjoy my immediate responses and not think so much about them. Sure I will always dig for facts and history about art, but I don't think I will ever start letting people tell me how art should make me feel

One more brief thought

Have you ever desperately wanted to change something and felt like a moron every time you tried? I am really trying to create a writing style that is a dialogue with the sources and tells a story, but I seem to constantly revert back to choppy facts and analysis because it is where I am most comfortable. I know I am a good writer, but I feel like i could be an excellent one if only I could get a little more flow and style to my work.

Yukon in a Rush

I am in the airport on my way out of Dawson city as I write this, by the time I get to internet (and cell phone reception) again I will be in BC with the Yukon far behind me.

I said before that New Brunswick is the province that everyone forgets, perhaps the Yukon is the province that feels the most forgotten. There are 33,000 people in this province, 90% of them live in Whitehorse, it is kind of hard for me to believe that the whole province is about the same population of a University in Ontario.

I think there are three words (well four if you want to be technical) that sum up my experience in the Yukon best ice cream, dust and attitude.

I know the ice cream one is counter intuitive, but it kind of represents a few things. First, the weather was hot the entire time I was here, however since it is cold the rest of the year, there aren’t really any public pools or even that much air conditioning so you eat ice cream to cool down (if you just aren’t comfortable drinking beer for 12 straight hours). Second, ice cream also represents climate change. Every year since people came up here searching for gold, yukoners have bet on when the ice on the Yukon river would break up. As it turns out, these records show that every year the ice has broken up sooner and sooner. The elders here say animal migration routes and habits are changing, and mudslides and other disasters are becoming more prevalent. I know a few people who deny climate change; they need to talk to some people up here where it is a constant reality.

Dust, well one reason I could not live up in Dawson city is that I don’t think my body could handle sneezing every two minutes from the dust on the road, and I don’t think my neuroses could hadn’t the fact that I would never again have a clean car. They tried to introduce swiffers up here and they were a complete failure, people just complained that they went through them too fast and they were filling up the dump. Several people told me you just have to accept the dust as part of life. Dust is also representative of the gold. To be honest if I never see gold again it will be too soon, honestly, the fascination wears off after the first time you hear the gold rush story, by the 20^th, you really just don’t know what the big deal is with shiny metals. It was more than educational to see a mine (something I have never seen before), I never realised the impact they have, and melting permafrost can’t be a good practise.

Finally attitude, yukoners (claim to) have an independent spirit, this despite the fact that the existence of the province is pretty much completely reliant on government funding (90% of the jobs up here are government jobs). At least 8% are tourism, and there is attitude about the tourists. Yukoners like Canadian tourists, it is pretty flattering when other people decide to come here from the rest of the country, however there is a little tension between American tourists and Canadians, but you have to dig to find it during the tourist season, apparently in the winter it is openly talked about. It seems all we Canadains have our myths we like to believe about ourselves.

So those are my reflections on the Yukon. Its been a great trip, but the Yukon has taught me that I am a wuss and was therefore made for Southern Ontario, and I think I am perfectly OK with that. I am now on the home stretch of my trip. I will be heading back into BC tomorrow and then home through Calgary and back as fast as I can.

On a side note, I am collecting a lot of interviews, I plan to be done all my data gathering by the first week in October, then it is ten straight months of writing and analysis. So, if over the next year I become grouchy, gain a lot of weight and generally don’t see anyone, I promise it will get better again next August! I plan to finish this thesis in 4 years if it kills me (and it probably will). I’ll see you again soon when I back with the Internet.

Saskatchewan in Wheat Shaft

OK, I am a bit behind on this, mainly because I have been having trouble coming up with inspiration about the province. I think I have come up with a few useful observations though that will help non-travellers get a sense of the province.

First, yes Saskatchewan is flat, lets get this out of the way. You watch thunderstorms come in for hours, you watch dogs run away for days, and it is torturous to drive into cities as you can see them hours before you are even close. In fact the province is so flat, the closest thing it actually has to hills appear when you are at the bottom of Qu’Appelle valley, and even then the locals will vehemently deny that they are hills. “They aren’t hills” agitated locals will tell you, “You are just at the bottom of a valley”. I say to let the definitional debate on what exactly is a hill begin here.

Second, there is more to Saskatchewan than just flat farms, there is Boreal forest, the great valley, its cities are pretty hopping and there are lakes everywhere, a boaters dream. One lake is so big that it even warrants its own lighthouse (despite the fact you can always see the other side of the lake), but who am I to criticize the placement of lighthouses in Saskatchewan.

Third, going to Saskatchewan will teach you patience. While everyone there is a good person, they do tend to have some misconceptions about us people from Ontario. Here is a list of things people from Saskatchewan seem to think we did not learn in our overcrowded and underworked Ontario schools:

• · Food grows in dirt and needs rain (I know this surprised me too, next they will be telling me that cow poo helps our food grow…ew)
• · Hail storms can kill said crops, as can strong winds, oh and by the way, dark clouds mean thunderstorms and that bright thing in the sky is a sun, plants need that too.
• · The white fluffy things are sheep, the brown and black lazy things are cows and the tall things with long thin legs are horses.

Fourth, although people in Saskatchewan will never ever admit it, they are a lot like Albertans, if Albertans didn’t have oil. They are also a lot like Manitobans, if Manitobans weren’t close enough to Ontario to actually hate province instead of just knowing very little about it.

Fifth, Saskatchewan is a little scary. Like any good Canadian, I like weather, I talk about it (all the time), check the forecast (several times a day) and hypocritically complain that it is too hot in the summer and to cold in the winter. However, there was one storm while I was in Qu’Appelle valley that lasted two days. I was scared the valley would fill up, two days of heavy rain and loud thunder and insane lightning. The kind of storm that would last 5 minutes in Toronto until the weather changed to something else. I have never been afraid of a thunderstorm before that.

And when it is sunny, there is nowhere to hide. Saskatchewan has crazy friggin’ weather (this coming from someone who has seen a Tornado)

Sixth, and finally, be prepared to have a list of reasons why you love Toronto (or Montreal or Vancouver). Be prepared to tell people you actually don’t mind the crowds and that the city does not prevent you from getting to nature. Interesting little fact, even people in rural Saskatchewan will drive sometimes two hours to get to a particular lake or campground on the weekend. Sounds a lot like a certain Toronto ritual doesn’t it?

Anyway, I do love the province, and enjoy the people there. Just go in armed with education and ready to slow down (but not on the highway, the limit is 110, but the standard is 140, 150 on unsafe gravelly roads) and you can’t help but have a good time in Saskatchewan.

Midway Musings

Well, nothing super deep or funny today, just some updates to let people know where I am and how I am doing.

I have made it as far as Saskatchewan and I spent today working in a science lab while my friend Carol did end of year stuff at her school. It was weird being back in a high school classroom, also disconcerting though as they were much more technologically advanced some of my university classrooms. The smartBOARD is a thing of magic, and I hope if I ever get a professor job, my university will give me access to one of these devices, they are like powerpoint but a million times better.

We had a great thunderstorm today, and I have had a few since I have been on the road, and for the record I have gotten 6 blackfly bites, 10 mosquito bites, eaten 8 peanut butter and jam sandwiches for lunch 8 days in a row. I have driven over 4000 kilometers, spent over 600 litres of gasoline (Ugh, carbon footprint). Done 15 interviews, slept at 3 different universities, and yes the Jetta is still working (now will everyone please touch wood).

My favourite city thus far (independent of the people I visit like Carol) has been regina, I really like the dorms, the city and the people, and I had a great meal there.

My Canadian history is getting better and better as I go to more and more places, even that is not monolithic, every region seems to have their own spin on Canadian history, it is quite eye opening.

I get to see my sister next week which has me excited and I have overkilled a little on Alberta Museums. I have started transcribing like crazy so that will be the next big project once I am done all my research. I miss my husband and my family and my friends but I am enjoying travelling on my own schedule. Oddly I have no trouble making myself do schoolwork, but I do hate recording my expenses and milage at the end of everyday. Running has been hard too, after along day of sitting and driving I can walk for hours but getting up the energy to run is tricky (and I have big fears of getting lost).

So those are some Midway musings, nothing earth shaking but it lets everyone know where I am and how things are going. I am off to Edmonton tomorrow, I will have a summary of Saskatchewan up as soon as I have access to internet again.

And thanks Carol for letting me crash, once a year is not nearly enough.

Manitoba in a Minute

Yes, I have fallen behind in these posts, you drive 6 hours a day and tell me if you can do better.

Manitoba, thus far, has been my biggest surprise in Canada. While I hated it when I first got here, it grew on me once I started exploring, and not in the fungus way (it's too cold here for many mushrooms to grow).

The original slogan for Manitoba's license plates was "Manitoba, its people are friendlier than its climate." They soon realized that this really wasn't that big of an accomplishment, and shortened the slogan to "Friendly Manitoba". The people here were very friendly, I attribute this to the large mennonite population, because everyone knows mennonites are awesome.

I divided my time between three areas, Winnipeg, Steinbach and Brandon. I have nothing to add about Brandon, you can drive through it and pretty much get the point (this isn't to say it isn't a good point, just an easily understood point). Steinbach is a small town outside of Winnipeg mostly inhabited by Mennonites. The interesting thing, I think this might be the skinniest town in Canada, which makes no sense. I ate at a Mennonite restaurant (which was very similar to a japanese restaurant in that I pointed at the food I wanted because I couldn't say the names). I could feel the fat in the food, but it was delicious, but all the Mennonites who claimed to eat there every day were, well...stick thin. However, I don't think there is a low German word for vegetarian yet, just a caution for my more fastidious vegetarian and vegan friends.

Winnipeg, well, it's a city with a slow seduction, and a city that has worked hard to make itself beautiful, there is art everywhere on the streets, most of it quite good. If you get off of portage (FYI to french people, plug your ears when they pronounce this street) the city is quite lovely. The red river gives you a new appreciation for the power of mud, but even that is surrounded by decorated polar bears. Saint Boniface is just cool.

Winnipeg also is home to something called confusion corner (really, this is the most accurate nickname in the world....ever), I think this here Winnipeg deserves the award for worst urban planning. To rectify this I would like to make an introduction, Winnipeg, meet the roundabout, roundabout, meet Winnipeg. Winnipeg I know you are generally suspicious of "Eastern Influences" but I promise that the roundabout was one great thing to come out of europe, and soon you will love it as much as you love bad british pub food.

On my way out of Winnipeg towards the next province (sassafras or something), I learned the quirky joy of the side road. Museums in what look like war bunkers and beautiful parks in the middle of no where (and wicked ice cream ten minutes outside of nowhere). I think what this really means is all those Winnipegers who found out I was from Toronto and told me to get lost, they really were just being friendly, good old friendly Manitoba.

Awkward questions

There are two questions I get repeatedly that I always feel a bit weird answering (well there are many questions, but I will discuss two for now).

Question 1: When will you finish your thesis?

I hate this question because I have a goal, but if I don't reach it ultimately I am a failure. So for this one I have a very simple solution. I lie, to my advisor, my friends, my spouse, my parents. I think this is a good long term solution, the trick is to lie on an individual basis. My husband wants me to finish ASAP, but I know he will forgive anything so I hedge with the "just a few more months" answer. My advisor, I always say the deadline he has given me, because if I go over it there is no real skin off his back and (for now) it is sufficiently far enough away into the future that he still thinks I can do it!. Complete strangers, I say "any time now" This way I am never really tied dow to a date and I no longer feel awkward, just guilty for lying.

Question 2: Do you have funding for your project?

My project is big, and no I don't have funding..thanks for bringing it up. I am a complete failure who has not one a single scholarship and by the way I can't ride a bike and I came in 5th out of 7 in grade nine spelling bee. Seriously, I am not that bitter,but it is a hard question to answer, I usually end up saying something about a sugar daddy or how I really don't eat that much or a kidney I sold on the black market.

So I guess the real lesson is not "don't ask these questions" but rather "don't believe the answers."

PEI in a potato skin

PEI in a nutshell
OK, so it’s been a while since I was there, but I had to take some time to absorb PEI, here are my thoughts and reflections on this noble province, known for its potatoes and whiney red-haired teenagers.
From my understanding of history, PEI was created about 6000 years ago when God spilled some Ochre paint on his latest creation which landed in the shape of a croissant. The local Aboriginal people, the Mi’kmaq arrived about 12 000 years ago (and were slightly annoyed at certain clumsy God for subsequently spilling red paint all over their island). Anyway, the Mi’kmaq named this Island Abegeit which means land cradled on the waves. The white people who arrived in the 1500s eventaully decided that, like always they knew best and decided that this guy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Edward,_Duke_of_Kent_and_Strathearn_by_Sir_William_Beechey.jpg) provided a much more romantic name for the Island giving us the PEI we know and love today.

So that is history...how about some economics? Potatoes and tourism! That’s about it. Not kidding, there aren’t even that many fishermen, the lobster people ate at my hostel as actually flown in from New Brunswick.

OK culture, the most interesting thing about PEI, is the fact that despite the prevalence of Catholic Churches, the entire population seems to worship a red haired child goddess. As an amateur anthropologist I can infer that this goddess is a personification of the Island itself as her red hair matches the colour of the dirt. Somehow, this belief in this goddess must have been influenced by Eastern cultures as every year hundreds of thousands of people travel from Japan on as pilgrimage to pay homage to this goddess. Ritual performances of “the play” also serve as a rite of passage for every child on the island. The Green Gables house still acts as a shrine and is the centre of the entire ritual. Participants are encouraged to dress like the goddess buying red braids and straw hats while wearing checkered dresses (both male and female alike).

Like every other province, PEI has its eccentricities. First, from the ocean road you get a great sweeping view of ... farms, it’s only called the ocean road because everywhere you are on the island you are ridiculously close to the Ocean, you just can’t see it. Everyone in Charlottetown seems to have lived in Toronto at some point in time (and this was the first city I have been in where no one ever told me how rude Torontonians are, congrats Charlottetown) and everyone seems to either enjoy being or feel obligated to be an informal tour guide, not that I mind, but I am suspicious of men who drive pick-up trucks and offer me tours of a real potato farm.
OK, so that was PEI, stay tuned for updates about Saskatchewan and other research and planning posts.

New Brunswick in a nutshell

Hi all,
it turns out, there's another province in Canada. I have travelled to this strange land, interacted with the natives, tried their cuisine and enjoyed some of their local carbonated spirits. A such here are my thoughts on the great province of New Brunswick, and despite their sarcasm, I did have a great time and will definitely be coming back.

New Brunswick is kind of the like the third tenor.. Domingo, Pavaratti and that other guy. It's the province when you know there is one more but it's name escapes you. Unfortunately, this reputation (or lack thereof) is undeserved. The province is beautiful (when you can see it through the fog), there is great wildlife (though most of it is currently lying in a ditch along highway 15), the food is good (if you like fiddleheads and lobster), and the people are nice (if they aren't a particular snobby waiter in a particular restaurant that shall remain nameless but needs to learn that yes sometimes women do travel alone, no its not because we are single lesbians who can't get a date, and no we don't mind being seen in public by ourselves!!)

I also have to take a moment to talk about the Acadians. It turns out they don't all play the accordion, eat bannock bread and dance to fiddle music day in and day out (I was really hoping they would break into song the way they did in my Canadian history movies in grade school). Acadians love being Acadian, you name the object, it has been painted the colours of their flag. Bumper stickers, pins, flags, sailboats, there are million symbols people will put out to let people know they are Acadian. I also have to note, that although my French isn't great, I have noticed Acadians love adverbs, adjectives and modifiers. I suppose that is why the French spoken here is so gosh darned fast, so they can fit in all those extra words.

I have to also conclude that New Brunswickers do a lot of drugs. Spending many hours in the car I am now very familiar with NB radio and not one, not two but THREE times, heard a radio DJ follow Celine Dion with psychedelic rock (Led Zepplin, Rush etc.) I can only blame the appeal of this mixture on the excessive use of recreational pharmaceuticals. I suspect BC might give this province a run for their money, we will withhold judgment here just yet

Finally, I have been asked to present an award to the Province of New Brunswick. On behalf of tourists everywhere I am honoured to give the province of New Brunswick the "Most useless free maps" award. New Brunswick could not be here tonight to accept but they wanted to thank the city of Saint John for coming up with the idea of saving paper by only putting 1/3 of the city on a map. NB also wants everyone to know that they couldn't have won without Moncton's pioneering use of the .025 font size (and their brilliant idea to use the same small font in the blown up picture of the downtown, wider roads, same font). As well, NB wanted a special mention given to Caraquet for it's "No-map" map and the slogan "It's only really one road anyway" (it isn't). Finally, NB could not have won this award without the assistance of the Road sign association of New Brunswick. They have finally managed to label almost half of the roads in New Brunswick, some roads even with three different names. This years initiative "Put signs where people can see them" was not the success they hoped for, but there is always next year.

NOrthern New Brunswick

Bonjour tout le monde, au’jourd’hui j’ai arrive au Caraquet, la centre de la couture Acadien.

So where do I catch everyone up too? I did my final two interviews in Saint John, both went very well and I am getting a lot of great information. The next day I stopped at another museum, and it was absolutely amazing. The Curator/manager there was really enthusiastic about engaging me on a series of difficult topics, all of which will be a great help to me.

I have to give a little plug, if you are ever in New Brunswick, take the time to pull off into Petitcodiac the cozy café has some pretty good food, there is an amazing bakery (mmmm, peanut butter chocolate cookies), and the war museum there is great, there is so much and the staff are very enthusiastic about their topics.

The drive up to Caraquet today was wonderful. I bought some Lebanese food to go in Moncton and stopped in Bouctouche for a little picnic. What a picturesque town, cold though by the water. I wish I'd had more time there.

I am now in Caraquet in the Maison Touriste Dugas, it is quite lovely (even if it does smell a bit like Tortiere, but I am sure some people find that smell appealing) I have a cabin to myself, so hopefully there will not be a repeat of the snoring incident of last night.

I have to make an observation on NB drivers, there is one group who drive country as I'll put it (they do the limit, almost, most of the time, except when on actual roads) and another group who drive crazy, I have driven in Montreal, I thought I'd seen it all, until I saw a little dingy red beater drive up a hill like a bat out of hell to pass three transport trucks. And that was one of the tamer ones. I think I will take them over the Sunday drivers, at least they pass me instead of slowing me down.

I'm looking forward to getting some work done tonight, I really want to get this paper finished. Oddly enough, the internet I am stealing is working much better than the hotels actual internet, lets hope it stays that way for another hour or so!

A Demain!

So Long and thanks for all the fish

Nice and early tomorrow morning I head off to Moncton. My last interview in town today went really well.

I am generally enjoying my research, however I am going to have a crapload of transcribing to do, I am tying to get a jump start on it, but I have so many other things piling up too. I need to find a way to shorten the interviews a little, it is entirely my fault because I love to talk, and I love talking to museum people. Something about working as a public figure makes it really easy to ask for clarification or even to disagree with a person and still have a respectful conversation. I have a feeling if I were interviewing government workers who rarely have to deal with the public these interviews would not be so congenial.

The fact is I have challenged them and they have challenged me. If I have a question where the wording is shoddy or vague, they let me know. If someone says something that is contradicted by the literature, I feel comfortable going in and asking more, maybe even for a defense.

Something is brewing inside me though, I sometimes worry that as an academic I have chosen a career where I won't get to be around people this much, I really do enjoy the respectful back and forth, even if I sometimes burst waiting for the other person to finish their point.

Anyway, be that as it may, on to fish. Wow, they eat a lot of it, I like fish, a lot, even weird fish that other people don't like such as pickled and smoked fishes, smelt and weird fish like creatures such as octopus. However, I am really starting to crave tofu or beans or some other protein substitute. I am sure however that vegetarian things will get harder and harder to find as I go further north.

I also want to take a moment to offer props to the man who invented powdered milk. With cereal, milk and fruit I spent maybe 10 dollars, and I know that will cover me for the next week minimum. Life without a fridge is slightly more complicated but I don't mind. I am actually looking at it as a challenge, and I think the hostel I am in tomorrow night has a kitchen/stove. I can't wait to cook my own food again.

Finally, off topic again. For those of you that pray. I met a lovely woman here whose husband is undergoing one last dialysis to try and give him 6 more months of life. I know there is nothing to say that can help her, but I sat with her last night to watch TV and gave her a ride to the hospital this morning. All I can say is wow, what an accepting and kind woman, who for some reason enjoyed my jokes. I can only selfishly pray that I never have to go through what she is, or that it is a very long time before I do. Also that I can have that kind of love and support for my own family. So if some of you don't mind, just say a quick prayer for her, her family and her husband. Now go home tonight and hug someone you love.

Hugs to all of you...

Fredericton

Let me say right off the bat, I like Fredericton, but I hate spelling it.

I had a great bus ride where I slept for half, worked for half. I did catch the most interesting fencepost while looking out the window though. Apparently some efficient farmer, needing fence posts but having only a car, decided to cut his car in half (from top to bottom) using the top half as one post and the bottom as the other. I appreciate ingenuity wherever I can find it.

After arriving in F-town, I went to the loyalist cemetery which dates to the 1700s, very interesting overhearing Americans learning about the revolution from the loyalist point of view, which is definitely different from the narrative told in the states (generally the role of the bad guy switches, I mean really, they both tarred and feathered each other, lets move on).

I also spent some time in the York Sunbury Museum. Talk about the little museum that could, they have so much stuff and cover so many topics on what is obviously a very small budget. Good for them. I sometimes wonder what would happen if small museums like this were given the opportunities afforded to museums in other big cities.

I am also curious, where do you think the birth of Canada happened, I have now talked to people from PEI, Newfoundland, Quebec, Winnipeg and New Brunswick, all of whom claim that the birth of Canada happened in their province (each giving a variety of dates). I guess how we define “birth” will change that answer, but I’ll be interested to see what people think and how they define it.

I then had tea at a place called “Trinitieas” which turned out to be a teashop run by some Evangelical Christians…hence the pun. Lovely tea and a nice veggie soup. I then hopped on the bus back to Saint John, where I slept again and had my dinner at a little Thai place where the two ladies on staff both wear Hawaiian shirts and there are fake palm trees, quite the little establishment.

I have two more days here, I am working at the Jewish Museum today and looking forward to it. I also bid goodbye to the Delta tonight and move to the student residences on campus. Goodbye free breakfast, but hello 20 dollars a night.

I miss you all and I will post again soon!

Wandering around Saint John

Hello all,
I decided I would write today’s post on the bus to Fredericton. I will actually put it up online when I get home tonight and back to the free internet.

So, yesterday I spent the morning working on my CSSR paper got sick of that and decided to do the tourist thing around Saint John. This city has some of the most beautiful rock formations I have ever seen, however everything is overshadowed by the giant factories and processing plants owned by Irving, there is a constant hum to the town along with hundred of other industrial noises.

After getting lost by turning the wrong way (it had to happen once) I ended up at the Anglican Cathedral in town. The history plaque said it was one of the oldest structures in town, pre-dating the Saint John fires. The stones used to build the church were actually brought over in the hulls of ships from England to serve as counter-weights to keep the top heavy boats from tipping (they would be filled with fish and furs on the way back).

The Anglican bishop in Saint John at the time was from England and said he would use the stones rather than dumping them in the harbour (which was the original disposal method). The church is quite lovely and after knocking at the door, a volunteer there took me around to se the stained glass (a little obsession of mine). Realising how much I like it, she took me up into the balconies (on the condition I helped her carry some heavy bags down from storage). On the right hand side of the church on the upper level is an Angel with two right feet, what no one had noticed before is that the angel next to it had two left feet. I suppose that the artist made the feet in advance just attached them incorrectly, regardless, it was the highlight of my day.

It was sobering however, what I wound up carrying were clothes for some local people in town who were down on their luck. The economic downturn has hit hard here and the church actually started a clothing and laundry repair service for men and women who need outfits for job interviews or new clothes for their children. The woman also told me that the food bank is stretched to the max. You can tell by parts of the uptown core that times are tough. The woman who gave me my tour though was hopeful, she said the best thing about this town is that even though she finds people gruff, they help each other out.

After that I took a long walk over to the reversing falls, very anticlimactic, you have to go at just the right time to see the water reversing. They aren’t even really falls, just rapids, but they aren’t even rapids right now because the water is so deep from the spring run off. I took a cab home (my legs still aren’t 100% from the race yet). My cab driver works a second job as a tour guide in the summer so he gave me a little detour and told me where to take some of the best photos in the city.

After that it was dinner with John and some of his colleagues. Very interesting people. It is a good thing I like seafood though, there was one vegetarian option on the menu, and it didn’t look that good. I felt bad for the other woman at the table who was also vegetarian.

I’ll post tomorrow about my time in Fredericton. I have two interviews today, both of which I am looking forward too. However, I m sucking my batteries on my recorder dry, I’ll have to do something to offset the carbon footprint of my research on that count.
Until tomorrow!

Research on the Road, Day one

I’ve decided to record some notes and thoughts about my time in New Brunswick and PEI, and possibly the rest of my research on the road.

So in one day, here are the lessons I have learned thus far from one day travelling and in Saint John:

Lesson One:
Small Planes smell, really bad ‘nuff said.

Lesson Two
Planning for research is more work than actually doing research. Organizing, finding places to stay, budgeting enough to eat, recruiting interviewees, scheduling, getting your questions set up were all much more difficult than actually doing any interview or transcribing it.

Lesson Three:
Hotels are nice, especially fancy hotels. I am in a hotel with my husband for three days and let me tell you, I could get used to this. Having stayed in places where you are afraid that the shower will make you more dirty, a clean bathroom and an included breakfast (which by the way, if your pockets are deep enough can stretch to lunch and dinner) might just soften me up a bit two much for the next two weeks. However I maintain what I always told Andrea’s Mom. “If I eat enough of your food here, I won’t have to feed myself for at least two weeks.”

Lesson Four:
Blend in with the local culture. When someone says, “Are you going to the Lobster Boil Tuesday?” Particularly if said person is a Maritimer, never answer that you don’t like lobster; you might as well claim to not like air. However, a surprising number of the Toronto people on the shuttle agreed with me. It’s not that the taste of lobster is unpleasant, it is just too much work. If a lobster shell were more like an eggshell, then perhaps I would be more inclined to eat it.


Those are my lessons thus far. I only have boring plans for today, doing school work, going out and buying a map of the province, maybe going to see the reversing falls. I brought some textbooks that I am hoping to send home with my husband so I am going to get to writing my paper for the CSSR.

FYI for all who care, my race time for the Half Marathon was 2:36:23. The Elites ran the full Marathon faster than this, but I am happy to have finished with no major injuries. If I do it again next year I will aim to get under 2:30.

The Academic's Burden

You want to know what I would love to do more than anything else in the world (short of having a thesis fairy write my dissertation for me)?

I want to be able to answer questions with a simple yes or no.

There is a biblical precedent for this, Jesus said "let your yes be yes and your no be no." Jesus never met a PhD student.

It seems this problem spreads, it began in classes. For example the professor would say "Do you think there should be a separation between church and state." I could say yes or no, but instead I say...

"Weeeeeeellllllll, it depends, we can impose artifical separation on arbitrarily constructed categories that are a product of 17th century enlightenment thinking but the reality is any modern form of the state that exists today developed from and/or with religion, a such the state and religion are already inextribably combined. And this doesn't even begin to address what happens when the state becomes religion."

You may see this pattern in yourself and justify my answer by telling me that in reality it is a complex question that deserves more than a yes or no answer, but remember...it spreads Dun-Dun-DUN

My mom asked if I wanted pants for Chritmas I got into a discussion about sweat shops and ideal body types. My husband asked if we should start gardening, I answered with a discussion about weather patterns. A man on the road asked me if I knew how to drive...I told him to...well that doesn't really count.

The final straw...."did you want fries with that?" Want to know something, a waitress doesn't really care what you think about trans fats.

So I have a new goal, learn to say yes and no again and let that be enough. Is this a feasible or realistic project? Well, that depends.....

From Paper to Practise

I am standing on a precipice...a big scary precipice.

The research I have been proposing for two years is about to become reality. I am about to hop in a car/plane/bus digital recorder in hand and actually go out and do research.

Imagine knowing a person exists for two years before you are able to talk to them one on one. it is a little scary, because at this moment, anything could go wrong.

The usual doubts are flying through my head. "what if my data doesn't support my thesis?" "What if all of my contacts fall through."

Well, maybe my blogging will be more interesting when I am on the road. I wouldn't mind a boring trip though, I think I have had enough excitement over the years on various vacations to justify one trip where only minor things go wrong (I apologize in advance to all my fellow travelers if Air Canada goes out of business while I am using their services, it would make airline number three!).

May 10th is the deadline, lets hope I can get my ducks in a row by then and that no one kills them off in the meantime!

Time for some darning

Darn you facebook, you eat up my time as I checkfor my friend's statuts updates, despite not actually having talked to those friends in years. Darn you for your quizzes, games and surveys that I feel compelled to do so people know how cool/sentimental/suave I really am. Darn you for making me think about myself in three lines or less and darn you for keeping the photos of me at that halloween party from so long ago.
Darn you for giving me something else to do other than work on my thesis. Darn you!

Red Tape Math

I am building a theory of math that combines relativity with chaos theory with well, other mathy things that sci-fi shows use to justify bringing people back from the dead.

My newest fact to add to this collection. We have been reading response time lines wrong. When an office says it will take 2-4 weeks to get back to you, it actually means that the office will take 2 to the power of 4 weeks to get back to you (which my calculator tells me is 16 weeks). Likewise, 6-8 weeks is actually way longer than I want to inform you about.

This is why you will get a rejection letter for a scholarship you applied for two years ago.

Please note: this formula does not work when you owe an office at the school money. It only works when there is a chance of you getting money from the school. If you owe the school money the response time is actually simple subtraction. you should pay within 6-8 weeks actually means you should have paid 2 weeks ago, and you are probably incurring late fees/interest which will result in creitors being called in 2-3 days (you have heard from them already haven't you)?

that's all for now, I will add more math tidbits as I learn them, though understand the beaurecratic system is unstable and liable to change anytime a butterfly in China sneezes.

Deadline Strategy

Who says Irony has no practical applications.

I am so lazy, that I hate checking out the same book twice because I don't want to have to caryy it home again. I am currently taking out books from U of T where I only have 2 weeks to use them rather than an entire term. This laziness, defeats my non-writing laziness as such, my goal for February, have a draft of my context chapter written, thank you U of T for forcing me to work to avoid having to do work.

5 Stages of Rejection

You worked long and hard crafting the perfect funding application. you spent days...maybe even weeks re-working the sentences, measuring margins and having your ideas ripped to shreds by your peers.

Submitting your application was a weight off your shoulders and resulted in a rediscovery of restful sleep. you probably forgot all about your application until January with a very thin letter appeared in your mailbox. One page letters are never good. "Dear Applicant," you read, "this year we received many excellent applications, however we only had a limited number of blah blah blah." Finally you get to the soul crushing sentence "We regret to inform you..." Let's be honest, they feel no regret.

At this point you will pass through the 5 stages of funding rejection, here is what you can expect.

Stage 1: Anger
In an attempt to put the blame somewhere (other than on yourself for leaving your application tot he last minute), you will imagine the selcetion comittee gleefully tearing up your application for the one misplaced comma or period you did not see until months later. Try to remeber this picture is mostly innaccurate, I have heard the tearing up of applications is done in a very respectful manner. Avoid the urge to indulge your anger. Do NOT get drunk at this stage and make angry phone calls or e-mails to comittee members. Aside from screwing up your chances for next year, it is never easy to work in a department where the professor down the hall has a restraining order against you.

Stage 2: Anger
Your anger will now turn inward. At this stage you will ruminate over your faults and the shortcomings of your application. You will question your worth and future as an academic. At this stage, a little drinking is reccommended provided you are surrounded by people who have also just received funding letters of death. I suggest while drinking you throw around these vauge phrases of encouragement in an attempt to keep each other from dropping out:
-"Seriously, you're like the smartest person I know"
-"It's all rigged, you just got hosed"
-"It was robably some geographer/chemist/English Prof reading your paper who just didn't get it"
"I thought it was awesome when I read it"

Stage 3: Anger
At this stage your anger will turn back outward and be more vaguely directed at "the system", "the instiution" or (For Philosophy students)"the man." Resist fantasies of attempted revenge on system (you are not Brad Pitt/Edward Norton), institution or man and do not try to remove yourself from their sphere of influence. Instead, wait until you are tenured faculty, then write manifestos criticizing the system while you sit protected by the ivory towers comfortable walls.

Stage 4: Dejection
Rejection leads to dejection. By the time you reach this stage, you will likely have let enough work pile up that you can distract yourself from how lousy you feel by busting your ass to meet the deadline you forgot about.

Stage 5: Complacency
This point is only vaguely different than dejection and is reached when after burying yourself in your work you realise that you simply no longer care as you have comps or a thesis defence coming up. This is the graduate students homeostasis unil the next rejection letter. Enjoy your state of emotional coasting interupted by bouts of procrastination where for a short moment, you might feel something non-graduate students call...well, they don't really calll it anything, they are just thankful they aren't in school anymore and that they won't receive any more rejection letters!

Landmarks

There are two types of landmarks in Academics real and arbitrary.

There is only one real landmark and that is the final acceptance of your thesis into the library archives where it will never see the light of day again.

Meaningless landmarks are things other acadmics make you do because they had to do them. If you apply for a job as a professor, no one will ever even ask if you did comprehensive exams, what graduate courses you took or even if you got slaughtered in your defence. In reality, these are all hazing procedures to see if you are tough enough for the cuthroat world of academics.

On the plus side, arbitrary landmarks result in unprecedented spurts in productivity. Would we ever really do work if we didn't know that there was a giant deadline hanging over our sorry little heads? I sure wouldn't. While the productivity does seem to cluster around these deadlines, they are nonetheless examples of the endurances to which we can push the human body and still produce something moderately intelligent.

The trick is to not convince yourself of the meaninglessness of all the other landmarks. If you recognise these for what they really are, things that make sure you actually get a little work done each year so the dean doesn't have to kick you out, then you will likely become cynical with the system and get nothing done, instead of your usual almost nothing.

I prefer to take the time honoured route of denial. My next arbitrary deadline is at the beginning of April, I will promise not to procrastinate this time or put things off and do a little work every day. And as that resolve dies a slow death by distraction, boredom and youtube, I will just accept that I am a creature of habit and prepare myself for another test of extreme endurance in March.

Academic Bad Habits

I have a bad habit, and I have noticed that my grad school friends have it too.

As soon as I walk into someone's house for the first time, I make a beeline for their bookcase. I go through it meticulously, I look for what books and theemes we have in common, and I will grab any title that peaks my interest off the shelf without even asking.

I thought I was alone in this until a few of my friends came to my place for the first time. within minutes my shelf had been picked over and I became the Shelly public library.

I guess I could have worse habits. I do leave my friends medicine cabinets alone, And I rarely go into an underwear drawer without permission. I for one, know I am flattered when a friend looks over my bookshelf approvingly, I doubt they would feel the same way about their underwear.