Dissertation Vacation

I just got back from a vacation...from my dissertation.

Yes, even grad students need vacations.

What did I do? I sat around and read...what a great break from my thesis where all I do is sit around and read.

Maybe I should think over this vacation thing more.

Why Studying Religion Can Suck - Episode One!

Scene...some pub in Australia

Random guy: Hey, good DJ tonight.

Me: Yeah, I like this place

RG: Hey, I love your accent, where are you from

Me: Canada, I just graduated from uni and am here as a graduation present

RG: Sweet, what did you study

Me: Oh Psychology and religious studies

RG: Long thoughtful pause
RG: Look of accomplishment
RG: No way... I've read the Da Vinci code too!

Me: Contemplate jumping in front of Australian bus, or pushing RG in front of said bus to prevent procreation.

Thesis without Caffeine?

I have a confession to make. I hate coffee, the only way I can drink it is in Cafe Mocha format with so much sugar I sacrifice a tooth for every extra hour of wakefulness.

Upon finding out my distaste for what other grad students call "Brown Gold" or "Liquid Energy." I am generally met with looks of skepticism and outright disbelief. Then when I tell them at the most I drink tea or diet cola (yes... I said cola, not satan...I mean coke) at the most, but generally try to get a full 8 hours of sleep, my veracity as a grad student is quickly called into question.

"Well you must be a part time student" Nope.

It's true, I have had approximately 1 and a half cups of coffee in my entire life. Once when I thought I would try it to see what the big deal was. And once when a well meaning uncle who doesn't speak English bought me a cup and I felt too guilty to throw it out. Even having pulled at least 30 all nighters throughout my life to finish various projects I never use the java.

Same with energy drinks... the best tasting ones taste like lemon flavoured urine (please don't ask how I can make this comparison), the worst ones, well I want to keep this blog at least mildly clean.

I really don't know how I do it, I had to stop drinking Mochas because of all the sugar so I can't even have that caveat anymore. I guess my research is just so interesting and stimulating that I am never tempted to fall asleep. Yeah right.

Anyway, what ever the reason, this may be my only chance to hold a title of note and value. Neil Armstrong: first Man on the moon, Hilary Clinton: first female presidential candidate, Me: First author of a thesis to not use caffeine and complete it in under ten years. That is a record anyone can be proud of!

Grad School T-shirt

http://www.phdcomics.com/store/mojostore.php?_=view&ProductID=10620

A perfect gift for me. That way I don't actually have to speak to undergrads who ask why I haven't left the library computers in two weeks. However, after the first week they stopped coming near me at all. I suppose at least one trip home to shower can't completely delay my research.

Page Limit

I can't decide if I want a page limit or not.On the one hand it is good to know what is expected of you, on the other hand the thought of filling 300 or 400 pages is daunting...to say the least.

I look at my own writing and think...gah, I don't want to read 400 pages of that. And how many trees will I kill with all my drafts and editing. I think I need to stop using electricity to even out some of the environmental karma I am going to rack up.

Business Cards

Unless you are a publishing God/ess (Read Jonathan z. Smith, any of my supervisor's or Douglas/Foucault back from the dead) don't hand out business cards.

Here is one of the unspoken codes, grad students may not be more professional than their peers. Sure your papers can be (and probably are) better, you can be smarter, more eloquent or anything. But our mutual poverty if meant to level the playing field. If your school sees you handing out business cards, they will assume they pay their grad students too much. Subsequent funding cuts will occur next year and will be conveniently blamed on the Conservative Government.

It's like wearing Prada shoes or an Armani suit not from goodwill or Ebay (you can tell because they are pre-scuffed or do not fit quite right). Unless you are a law student with a job or an MBA student, business cards will make people think you reach too high or think too much of yourself (which is something considering we hold conferences refferred to as "The Learneds"). People rarely want to contact grad students for anything other than to get us to do drudging slave-like labour. A business card makes you look too expensive, that you might expect pay for "valuable work experience."

If you must hand out business cards, do so reluctantly, saying your supervisor made you print them so you could use them to recruit for his or her research, since their name will be on the card too. Same with all things of value, joke how you found your nice shoes on Ebay for 5 dollars plus shipping, or how your Armani suit was actually your uncle's, a high powered lawyer who gave up the lifestyle to do organic farming and no longer has need for the suit.

A final note, do not use them to pick someone up at a bar. This only works at bars frequented by lawyers, doctors and business people, as such your card will be competing with those of people who actually have salaries and whose degrees are not followed by the caveat "candidate." However, the card may be used to pick up other grad students at conferences and local pubs, it must still be done with the complaining, but hopefully your demure charm and self deprecating humor about the card will play down your inherent nerdiness.

Bad Weather

Odd thing to be grateful for but the bad weather makes it easier for me to stay inside and type. I get a little upset every time I see the sun because I can't be outside enjoying it. The PhD does seem to turn your world upside down.

Write your dissertation in 15 minutes a day!

Just so everyone knows, right off the bat, I am not a fan of self help books. Any book that claims to be able to solve all your problems in five simple steps is good for one thing...tinder.

However, I have this book addresses one small(?) problem, writers block for your thesis, with some generally useful strategies

Writing Your Dissertation in Fifteen Minutes a Day: A Guide to Starting, Revising, and Finishing Your Doctoral Thesis 

Her most useful advice, and the title of the book, is to do a little bit every day. Even if it is only 15 minutes.  Of course if you only do 15 minutes a day, every day, your grandkids may convocate before you, but I like the principle.

Her second most useful advice, is to "Write first." We grad students have the tendency to make a million variations on the statement "I'll read one more book then I'll start writing" or "I'll run one more experiment" or I'll do one more interview", or "I'll check one more fact."  Joan Bolker is right, by this point in the game there is enough knowledge in our heads that we can start writing, at least for 15 minutes. Write when you first sit down...go do your other work later in the day. To me, this is the academic equivalent of eating our brussel sprouts first so they are out of the way.

Anyway, the book is an easy read (particularly after reading someone like Foucault, which is when I first read this book), and short (one or two good long trips to the bathroom and you could have the thing finished). I also like that these are more suggestions than rules, she isn't trying to be the Doctor Phil of writers block, just provide tools to help us figure out some healthy writing strategies. She also has some strategies on revising, but I can procrastinate on discussing those for a bit.

Here is the amazon link, give it a looksee   http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Your-Dissertation-Fifteen-Minutes/dp/080504891X

If nothing else it gives you one more book to add to your "I just have  to read one more book then I can start writing" list