How to be a movie star academic.

For some time now I have wanted to write about this, so forgive me if this is a long post because this topic has been brewing for some time.

On a meta-level, I find the research I do fascinating, the confluence of a variety of facts and theories coming together to influence one institution or event which then goes on to have ripple effects through society is a fascinating thing. However, on a micro-level, research is sightly more boring than watching grass grow and slightly less boring than watching paint dry (Having done both as a means of procrastination).

But we knew this, I learned it in my masters, so what is getting my goat? Movies. I recently watched Frost/Nixon, great movie, except they make highlighting and reading late at night under a lamp look so thrilling you think, "Why aren't people lined up to read hours of transcribed interviews, and input data into a computer?" In the Da Vinci Code, Indiana Jones and Atlantis, Professors go on adventures and solve mysteries with only their wits, a whip, a smart car or a sexy girl from a dead civilization. Kinsie gets laid for his research, and his RA's do too, why does my academic world look so different from theirs?

Well, I am creating a list of ways to make my research seem more like the movies, here are a few rules I have picked up on.

(1) Get a Hat, not a cool one, but a hat that makes you look like you are ready for any adventure that should arise (Tilley hats, explorer hats and straw hats are acceptable, ball caps are not, they display laziness, not a sense of adventure), professors with hats lead exciting lives, period.

(2) Get cool theme music, one that suggests a balance of determination, dedication and inspiration is your best bet. Playing the intro to Baba O'Riley on a loop is probably a good choice, don't go to the actual song until you are highlighting, writing notes or typing, that is the good stuff, the intro is for reading and intense scrutinizing looks that build up to the exciting parts of research.

(3) Stock up on Antiquated knowledge, sure most students of religion study actual people and traditions, but it helps to have the entire canon of extra scriptural literature memorized, the personal likes and dislikes of every religious figure ever born or imagined, and a thorough knowledge of conspiracy theories and every not-so-secret secret group ever invented. Should an adventure arise, this knowledge will be used to save the day, or out wit the bad guys.

(4) If you are a male and you want to be a movie star professor, you must not dress nicely. Invest all your money in tweed and rumpled khaki pants, plaid shirts, and possibly bow ties. Also try not to be gay or a member of a visible minority, if you are gay you will likely wind up having an affair with one of your students, if you are Black, Hispanic, Asian or Indian, you are only really there for comedic relief.

(5) If you are a woman, well you have it a little harder, women in movies tend to be sexy scientists, Jody foster in contact, Julia Roberts in Mona Lisa Smile or Vittoria Vettra in Angels and Demons. It appears you also have to be white as a female, unless of course you study African (hispanic) Literature, then you can be black (Latino). Thick glasses and Knee length skirts are a must. And you should have brown hair, not blonde, it adds to your credibility, especially if you can hold it up with a pencil. Having strange beliefs in crazy thing like "Aliens" or "Feminism" are critical to being a female movie professor. Note, feminist professors are expected to be lesbians, please do not attempt to be a women's studies professor in a movie unless you are a lesbian or a single hippie woman.

(6) Finally, have a skeleton in your closet, if you don't, skeletons are available online, closets can be purchased at Ikea. Movie professors always have a secret past that makes them the way they are. They were abused or bullied and therefore became academic recluses burying themselves in Teutonic literature so they wouldn't have to face their demons. If you weren't bullied, you can have slightly creepy relationship with a mentor who saw your potential when you didn't and steered you toward your current path, you rebel by using lawson and McCauley's definition of religion instead of Eliade's. A quest is also acceptable, cure the disease that killed your mother, solve the mystery your father couldn't or prove God does/does not exist because your father was a priest/atheist.

Hopefully this information will guide you in your attempts to make your life in research a little more like the movies, oh and other than highlighting documents to inspiring music, and giving the occasional (but always interrupted) lecture to students who seem to actually pay attention (if you can find these magical undergrads), don't ever be seen actually doing research, applying for grant applications, filling out departmental forms, counseling students, writing books, talking with publishers, editing journals, organizing conferences, attending departmental meetings, supervising RA's and TA's, reviewing books, providing advise to lawmakers and politicians, running subcommittees or any of the other things that professors actually do, those are just too boring for the movies.

Stuff White People Like?

My Husband and I celebrated our one year anniversary this weekend by taking a trip to Jordan and buying massive amounts of wine, eating tasty food that had to be bad for us and swimming the B&B's pool.

The trip was great aside from a few class and racial observations that made me very uncomfortable (I was in a winery and overheard a worker complaining about having to serve japanese people because she can't understand their accents and they only ever buy icewine, which, FYI is the most expensive thing at almost every winery). Anyway, we can talk about that later.

The subject of this blog is school, and despite having a whole good week of busting my tush, I felt guilt the entire weekend for not doing work. Had I been at home, I probably wouldn't have done work, but at least the intent would have been there. I went away this weekend with absolutely no intent to do anything school related.

In one way this is good, I know I am getting into full thesis mode and getting over some of my previous apathy because I am feeling guilt again. However, I do know the effect this is going to have on my already minimal social life.

So August 2010 is my due date (for my thesis, not a baby) and between now and then you will experience one of two Shelly's. Non-existent Shelly who is on facebook and occasionally answers an e-mail, or guilty Shelly, who you will see, but will probably either be so guilt ridden she wrecks your party, or imbibing because she is trying to forget the guilt. If we do hang out at all, just let me know which Shelly you prefer and I will bring that one along. Provided you pay for the beer, I am a grad student after all.

BC in a box

Well, it's been a while since I have been home, and of course I have been even busier than when I am on the road. Also I needed a little time to think. You see British Columbia is a weird place, I am not sure I have used that term to describe any other province, I am going to use it now. In fact, I think BC might even in need of a little clinical help, and that there are really two BC's in Canada.

The first BC is the one we all know and love, it centres out of Vancouver but can encompass the wine regions and whistler (well kind of), it is the fun loving, outdoorsy, laid back, multicultural be cool with it BC. We will refer to it vaguely as "the south"

The second BC still loves the outdoors, but in a more "hunting/live on a farm" type of way than the" lets use a giant multi-national corporations ski resort with questionable labor and environmental practices, critique the logging industry and pretend I am environmentalist" sort of way. They are more religious, are a lot more like Alberta and talk more about things like taxes, these people we can colloquially (though partially inaccurately) refer to as "the north"

It is interesting because Hippy BC, doesn't like to talk about conservative BC, and vice versa, the two are aware of each other, but don't really like to communicate that much except for in the fight over BC's natural resources. INterestingly, BC seems to suffer from some of the symptoms of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID, former Multiple personalities), these include can include:

• Multiple mannerisms and beliefs that are not similar to each other, evidence, fashion in the North Vs. fashion in the south
• Depersonalization, or feeling like you are watching someone else act out your life, kind of like what the people in north feel when they see Vancouver on TV
• Amnesia, ask people who they felt about the NDP back in the day
• Depression, things suck here (always followed by, but at least it isn't Toronto)
• Unexplainable phobias, people in the north are afraid of Gays, Asians and Aboriginals, people in the south are afraid of people from the north

Well perhaps it is only a minor case, but maybe BC would stop feeling inadequate compared to Ontario (well Toronto really), with a little psychotherapy. We can create a third personality that takes the best of the other personalities. From the North we would take the friendliness, hospitality and work ethic, from the south we can take tolerance and relaxation. Eventually this new personality can dominate the other two, or at least teach them to talk to each other respectfully. If this doesn't work, an alternative treatment is medicating, something at least one of BC's personalities is very good at.

Reflections on Art

I was in the Vancouver art Gallery this afternoon, and I had what is perhaps a nerdy but very intense experience. While looking at the painting "the letter" by Vermeer, more commonly known as the love letter, I was struck by feeling as though I was actually inside the painting, I could almost feel my hand on the heavy velvet curtain while I played the unseen role of the voyeur.

Ever since reading the book pictures and tears, a book about people who cry in front of art I have tried to be more open tot he visceral reactions that art (in so many forms) inspires in me. My years in a psychology degree kind of wrecked art for me because I was convinced there was no way to quantify what I was feeling. However, some recent research has shown that we do have physiological reactions to art, along with our emotional and philosophical responses.

Which explains why when I was looking at some of Emily Carr's paintings in the same gallery I was overcome with a sense of claustrophobia. Not the same claustrophobia I get when in crowds, but a comforting feeling of enclosement and protection, I have always felt very safe in forests.

I love being an academic and I have sometimes toyed with the idea of studying more about art history and interpretation, but I think I will hold off on that. For the time being, I want to enjoy my immediate responses and not think so much about them. Sure I will always dig for facts and history about art, but I don't think I will ever start letting people tell me how art should make me feel

One more brief thought

Have you ever desperately wanted to change something and felt like a moron every time you tried? I am really trying to create a writing style that is a dialogue with the sources and tells a story, but I seem to constantly revert back to choppy facts and analysis because it is where I am most comfortable. I know I am a good writer, but I feel like i could be an excellent one if only I could get a little more flow and style to my work.

Yukon in a Rush

I am in the airport on my way out of Dawson city as I write this, by the time I get to internet (and cell phone reception) again I will be in BC with the Yukon far behind me.

I said before that New Brunswick is the province that everyone forgets, perhaps the Yukon is the province that feels the most forgotten. There are 33,000 people in this province, 90% of them live in Whitehorse, it is kind of hard for me to believe that the whole province is about the same population of a University in Ontario.

I think there are three words (well four if you want to be technical) that sum up my experience in the Yukon best ice cream, dust and attitude.

I know the ice cream one is counter intuitive, but it kind of represents a few things. First, the weather was hot the entire time I was here, however since it is cold the rest of the year, there aren’t really any public pools or even that much air conditioning so you eat ice cream to cool down (if you just aren’t comfortable drinking beer for 12 straight hours). Second, ice cream also represents climate change. Every year since people came up here searching for gold, yukoners have bet on when the ice on the Yukon river would break up. As it turns out, these records show that every year the ice has broken up sooner and sooner. The elders here say animal migration routes and habits are changing, and mudslides and other disasters are becoming more prevalent. I know a few people who deny climate change; they need to talk to some people up here where it is a constant reality.

Dust, well one reason I could not live up in Dawson city is that I don’t think my body could handle sneezing every two minutes from the dust on the road, and I don’t think my neuroses could hadn’t the fact that I would never again have a clean car. They tried to introduce swiffers up here and they were a complete failure, people just complained that they went through them too fast and they were filling up the dump. Several people told me you just have to accept the dust as part of life. Dust is also representative of the gold. To be honest if I never see gold again it will be too soon, honestly, the fascination wears off after the first time you hear the gold rush story, by the 20^th, you really just don’t know what the big deal is with shiny metals. It was more than educational to see a mine (something I have never seen before), I never realised the impact they have, and melting permafrost can’t be a good practise.

Finally attitude, yukoners (claim to) have an independent spirit, this despite the fact that the existence of the province is pretty much completely reliant on government funding (90% of the jobs up here are government jobs). At least 8% are tourism, and there is attitude about the tourists. Yukoners like Canadian tourists, it is pretty flattering when other people decide to come here from the rest of the country, however there is a little tension between American tourists and Canadians, but you have to dig to find it during the tourist season, apparently in the winter it is openly talked about. It seems all we Canadains have our myths we like to believe about ourselves.

So those are my reflections on the Yukon. Its been a great trip, but the Yukon has taught me that I am a wuss and was therefore made for Southern Ontario, and I think I am perfectly OK with that. I am now on the home stretch of my trip. I will be heading back into BC tomorrow and then home through Calgary and back as fast as I can.

On a side note, I am collecting a lot of interviews, I plan to be done all my data gathering by the first week in October, then it is ten straight months of writing and analysis. So, if over the next year I become grouchy, gain a lot of weight and generally don’t see anyone, I promise it will get better again next August! I plan to finish this thesis in 4 years if it kills me (and it probably will). I’ll see you again soon when I back with the Internet.

Saskatchewan in Wheat Shaft

OK, I am a bit behind on this, mainly because I have been having trouble coming up with inspiration about the province. I think I have come up with a few useful observations though that will help non-travellers get a sense of the province.

First, yes Saskatchewan is flat, lets get this out of the way. You watch thunderstorms come in for hours, you watch dogs run away for days, and it is torturous to drive into cities as you can see them hours before you are even close. In fact the province is so flat, the closest thing it actually has to hills appear when you are at the bottom of Qu’Appelle valley, and even then the locals will vehemently deny that they are hills. “They aren’t hills” agitated locals will tell you, “You are just at the bottom of a valley”. I say to let the definitional debate on what exactly is a hill begin here.

Second, there is more to Saskatchewan than just flat farms, there is Boreal forest, the great valley, its cities are pretty hopping and there are lakes everywhere, a boaters dream. One lake is so big that it even warrants its own lighthouse (despite the fact you can always see the other side of the lake), but who am I to criticize the placement of lighthouses in Saskatchewan.

Third, going to Saskatchewan will teach you patience. While everyone there is a good person, they do tend to have some misconceptions about us people from Ontario. Here is a list of things people from Saskatchewan seem to think we did not learn in our overcrowded and underworked Ontario schools:

• · Food grows in dirt and needs rain (I know this surprised me too, next they will be telling me that cow poo helps our food grow…ew)
• · Hail storms can kill said crops, as can strong winds, oh and by the way, dark clouds mean thunderstorms and that bright thing in the sky is a sun, plants need that too.
• · The white fluffy things are sheep, the brown and black lazy things are cows and the tall things with long thin legs are horses.

Fourth, although people in Saskatchewan will never ever admit it, they are a lot like Albertans, if Albertans didn’t have oil. They are also a lot like Manitobans, if Manitobans weren’t close enough to Ontario to actually hate province instead of just knowing very little about it.

Fifth, Saskatchewan is a little scary. Like any good Canadian, I like weather, I talk about it (all the time), check the forecast (several times a day) and hypocritically complain that it is too hot in the summer and to cold in the winter. However, there was one storm while I was in Qu’Appelle valley that lasted two days. I was scared the valley would fill up, two days of heavy rain and loud thunder and insane lightning. The kind of storm that would last 5 minutes in Toronto until the weather changed to something else. I have never been afraid of a thunderstorm before that.

And when it is sunny, there is nowhere to hide. Saskatchewan has crazy friggin’ weather (this coming from someone who has seen a Tornado)

Sixth, and finally, be prepared to have a list of reasons why you love Toronto (or Montreal or Vancouver). Be prepared to tell people you actually don’t mind the crowds and that the city does not prevent you from getting to nature. Interesting little fact, even people in rural Saskatchewan will drive sometimes two hours to get to a particular lake or campground on the weekend. Sounds a lot like a certain Toronto ritual doesn’t it?

Anyway, I do love the province, and enjoy the people there. Just go in armed with education and ready to slow down (but not on the highway, the limit is 110, but the standard is 140, 150 on unsafe gravelly roads) and you can’t help but have a good time in Saskatchewan.