Awkward questions

There are two questions I get repeatedly that I always feel a bit weird answering (well there are many questions, but I will discuss two for now).

Question 1: When will you finish your thesis?

I hate this question because I have a goal, but if I don't reach it ultimately I am a failure. So for this one I have a very simple solution. I lie, to my advisor, my friends, my spouse, my parents. I think this is a good long term solution, the trick is to lie on an individual basis. My husband wants me to finish ASAP, but I know he will forgive anything so I hedge with the "just a few more months" answer. My advisor, I always say the deadline he has given me, because if I go over it there is no real skin off his back and (for now) it is sufficiently far enough away into the future that he still thinks I can do it!. Complete strangers, I say "any time now" This way I am never really tied dow to a date and I no longer feel awkward, just guilty for lying.

Question 2: Do you have funding for your project?

My project is big, and no I don't have funding..thanks for bringing it up. I am a complete failure who has not one a single scholarship and by the way I can't ride a bike and I came in 5th out of 7 in grade nine spelling bee. Seriously, I am not that bitter,but it is a hard question to answer, I usually end up saying something about a sugar daddy or how I really don't eat that much or a kidney I sold on the black market.

So I guess the real lesson is not "don't ask these questions" but rather "don't believe the answers."